Before we leave the subject of hormones that come into play at this time, there is another secretion that is almost mischievous in its influence. It is oxytocin, which—you guessed it—is stimulated by estrogen. It is nicknamed "the cuddle hormone,"16 and you can figure out where it leads. When a girl gets to know a guy and feels safe with him, her oxytocin levels rise, giving her a rush of hope, trust, optimism, confidence, and a feeling that all her needs will be met.17 She may start to fall in love with him, or something that feels like love for a while, but not because he is the perfect human being. He is perceived as the perfect human being because she starts to feel like it. Hugging and snuggling cause oxytocin levels to surge, which leads to more hugging and snuggling. Talk about a tender trap!
Let me say what I implied a moment ago. Our biochemistry is designed to guarantee the continuation of the human race, with hormones, receptor sites, brain wiring, and neurotransmitters effectively carrying impulses from cell to cell. Oxytocin is a powerful component of that apparatus. Dr. Brizendine says, "From an experiment on hugging, we also know that oxytocin is naturally released in the brain after a twenty-second hug from a partner—sealing the bond between huggers and triggering the brain's trust circuits. So don't let a guy hug you unless you plan to trust him."18 Do you think you can help your daughter understand that hormone? No chance. You just have to hope her boyfriend doesn't know how it works.
On a side note, oxytocin is wonderfully important in the development of maternal attachments. Jeffrey Kluger is the author of an article entitled "The Science of Romance: Why We Love." It was published in Time (January 28, 2008) and included this finding about oxytocin:
New mothers are flooded with the stuff during labor and nursing—one reason they connect so ferociously to their babies before they know them as anything more than a squirmy body and a hungry mouth. Live-in fathers whose partners are pregnant experience elevated oxytocin too—a good thing if they're going to stick around through months of gestation and years of child-rearing. So powerful is oxytocin that a stranger who merely walks into its line of fire can suddenly seem appealing.
"In one study, an aide who was not involved with the birth of a baby would stand in a hospital room while the mother was in labor," says Sue Carter, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Illinois. "The mothers later reported that they found the person very sympathetic, even though she was doing nothing at all."19
Book: Bringing Up Girls
By Dr. James Dobson