Question: How do feelings of inferiority get started? It seems as though I've always felt inadequate, but I can't remember where it all began.
Answer: You don't remember it because your self-doubt originated during your earliest days of conscious existence. A little child is born with an irrepressible inclination to question his own worth; it is as "natural" as his urge to walk and talk. At first, it is a primitive assessment of his place in the home, and then it extends outward to his early social contacts beyond the front door. These initial impressions of who he is have a profound effect on his developing personality, particularly if the experiences are painful. It is not uncommon for a pre-kindergartner to have concluded already that he is terribly ugly, incredibly dumb, unloved, unneeded, foolish, or strange.
These early feelings of inadequacy may remain relatively tranquil and subdued during the elementary school years. They lurk just below the conscious mind and are never far from awareness. But the child with the greatest self-doubts constantly "accumulates" evidence of his inferiority during these middle years. Each failure is recorded in vivid detail. Every unkind remark is inscribed in his memory. Rejection and ridicule scratch and nick his delicate ego all through the "quiet" years. Then it happens! He enters adolescence and his world explodes from within. All of the accumulated evidence is resurrected and propelled into his conscious mind with volcanic forcefulness. He will deal with that devastating experience for the rest of his life. Have you do the same? (Incidentally, I have written a book entitled Preparing for Adolescence, which is designed to help pre-teens and early adolescents adjust to the feelings I have described.)
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